Who Sh*t Under the Christmas Tree?


I know it’s an odd title but soon you will understand… We flew from Orlando to Seattle on December 26th so that Francesca and I would make it to Claire Blubaugh’s Bachelorette Party. Francesca’s second time being invited to attending pre-wedding festivities of this kind. She is quite the partier and a riot to have at any bachelorette party, now I wouldn’t recommend just any child to attend such activities but this girl brings a new dimension to a girls weekend.

We loaded up three cars with our bags and provisions then made our way over the snowy pass to Lake Chelan, Washington. The drive was beautiful! It took about 4 hours with some emergency bathroom stops, potty training a two-year old can be very tricky. The first stop on top of the snowy mountain pass was successful, the second stop Francesca asked for but then she was distracted when another little girl came into the grocery store bathroom. The third stop involved a messy clean up in a gas station bathroom sink after some desperate cries about having to poo poo. We where heart broken by her sad pleas but there was nowhere to stop. For about 15 minutes she was riding dirty until we could pull into the first stop possible, from then she was going commando.

We rented a huge six bedroom house equipped with a hot tub and a pool overlooking the Columbia River. The view was amazing and the house was perfect or so we thought when we arrived. We got settled in, picked our rooms, bathed Francesca, opened the wine and started cooking. We made a beautiful spread, had an amazing dinner, enjoyed each others company, chatted and drank late into the night. Planned the duration of our get away which included yoga, pedicures, wine tasting and massages, it was perfect!

In the morning Francesca and I were up before sunrise and  got into the shower, however to our dismay there was no hot water. So we went up stairs, started the coffee and began prepping for dinner so that we would not have to spend much time in the kitchen after our massages. Once the ladies were up and Bridget had made a yummy breakfast, we discovered our plans for massages had fell through, evidently the entire staff called in for a snow day. We rearranged the day’s plans and drove into town to attend a private yoga class catered to our beautiful bachelorette, Claire, and partake in a flight of wine at the tasting room next door to the yoga studio.

We were given some helpful recommendation from our yoga instructor about a place to have lunch and a mobile massage service to call so we could pamper ourselves. We made appointment for pedicures and successfully booked massages for the following day. We ate an amazing steak dinner, drank wine, beer, champagne and kombucha. Spent the night laughing and went hot tubbing in the snow. Francesca ran around naked, made blanket and pillow forts with LaLa, danced, giggled and cuddled with each of us.

The rental company’s staff came by to look into the hot water issue, reset the heater and turned up the temperature. We thought it was fixed but later discovered that only one shower had hot water, all the others were cold. Not sure what was wrong with the plumbing but we dealt with it. That day we went into town for pedicures and lunch. Spent the night watching movies, doing little home spa treatments; applying hydrating facial mask and hot tubbing.

In the morning the mobile massage therapist arrived, one hour treatments all around and a bit extra for the bride. Now this is where the title comes in: I was getting a foot massage and miss Francesca was playing in the living room when I heard some commotion, and frantic panic coming from the ladies. Miss Francesca was under the christmas tree playing with her animals and thought she had to toot, evidently it was more then just a bit of gas. Once she realized her predicament she looked to Andrea with a confused face and proclaimed “poop poo!” Andrea picked her up, straight armed, and made her way to the toilet pausing to figure out which was the closest. Francesca then took an adult size dump. Of course this will be one of those embarrassing things she reads later in life and with a red face says, “Mom!?” When I came out of the room, after my massage, the girls said, “Guess who shit under the christmas tree?” Thank goodness Bridget has a wealth of knowledge on how to get out any kind of stain.


After our eventful morning we made our way to the winery for a delicious late afternoon lunch and wine tour. Francesca, being a savvy young lady, asked the server for wine with her lunch. Yes, that is my daughter! She got a bottle of sparkling water with a bit of grape coloring so she felt like one of the adults. We had a lovely meal and enjoyed a flight of wine in the tasting room before heading to the next winery. Two stops was all we were willing to make before heading back to the house. A late evening of card games and shot-gunning beers left mommy hungover in the morning. Reminding myself why I no longer drink extensive amounts of alcohol.

The weekend came to an end quickly. It was a perfect celebration with old and new friends sharing life stories and future wishes for the beautiful bride to be. Each attendee represented a part of Claire’s past, present and future. A gathering of goddesses sharing a momentous occasion that will be remembered for eternity.


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